Theme V: Waiting, “Process”

By Grace Halio

 

remnants of the summer

things like crickets and gasoline,

bonfires and ratty sweatshirts,

remind me of how

meredith would ride shotgun in the ford

and i would drive half the length of long island.

 

summer weekends

colored by beaches, bagels, and best friends,

open roads at 1am, the sound of frank sinatra.

 

i spent this summer waiting to get over a lost love,

endlessly recounting how old habits are hard to break.

 

once, he taught me how to golf,

which ultimately was a failed venture.

i played baseball for eight years

and i couldn’t — can’t — swing a golf club for the life of me

simply because the movement isn’t the same.

 

there is a photo of us

where i am caught off guard

and grasping onto his arm.

i still know the feeling of his button down,

and the feeling of the summer wind.

 

i am slowly letting go

of those moments, memories.

waiting for old habits to disappear,

knowing that i can unlearn them.

 

my best friends and I know that we can fall back on friendship,

always,

but this doesn’t change the fact that we are each still waiting

for someone to love us in all of the right ways.

 

there was one morning that i woke up

and found a kind of clarity, happiness,

with someone else

 

the kind that makes me feel like it’s a saturday morning

even if it’s a thursday at 8 a.m.

where the sun is warm

and i’ll buy raspberries at the farmers market

just because everything feels right,

like it’s finally fallen into place.

 

inexplicable happiness,

i’m slowly learning

is a process of healing

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