Theme VIII: Consumption; “Untitled”

By Claire Hogan

My inner DJ Khaled screams as I whisper “another one” to speed along the 15

second wait of Netflix’s automatic play system. A quarter of a minute is too long to

idly stand by for my heroine-like pop culture shot that will quell my addiction.

Maybe I can finish the latest season of the newest Netflix original, but what about

reading its AV Club reviews? I guess I can scroll Twitter during the slow parts of the

show, but will that be enough to grab details for my imaginary “water cooler

conversation” the next day? Next is Amazon and HBOgo, a constant cycle between

streaming services and media havens. I frolick around the interwebs, feeling like

Ella Enchanted as I compulsively obey each article that pronounces the newest

“must see show!” and “episode that you CAN’T miss” as if my very existence depends

being able to truthfully answer yes to every inquiry of “did you see the Bachelor last

night?”.

Sure, sacrifices have to be made. My fish hasn’t been fed in weeks, and maybe

I don’t frequent the shower as much as I used to, but next time someone will

inevitably ask I’ll be able to recite every podcast currently running on the Nerdist

network. I mean, there obviously isn’t time for human interaction at this juncture of

my cultural exploration, but maybe just after this episode…

My computer starts to heat up as I use Youtube as a verb to watch each late

night host’s monologue from the night before, but my burnt upper thighs prove my

dedication to monitoring both the reddit thread and Wikipedia article on Kanye’s

latest tweet. I seem to be withering away, but only because there is not enough time

to Vine about my new favorite hulu original, let alone go grocery shopping. As Mark

Wahlberg once said, “get your priorities straight”. Or was that him? Can you check

iMDB for me real quick?

My body bleeds from every orifice until I am finally hollow from the

desperate consumption of every niche corner of the black hole that is the media

landscape. And yet, I am also strangely bloated with the knowledge of Kevin

Spacey’s trailer snacks behind the scenes of the new season of House of Cards, so

maybe that’s why I’ve been tricked into not feeling so empty.

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